Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
