easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
