So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We left the knife in your bed.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
