my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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