bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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