I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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