We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
