My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
