the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
