I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
