i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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