atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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