all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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