She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
