Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
