The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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