I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
