my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
did i walk over a car last night?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
