Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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