I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
