She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
