hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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