he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
