found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
