I'm laying in your front yard are you home
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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