C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
