I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
