So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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