Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
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