Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I don't think brook has ever known best
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
