Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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