.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
