normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
