Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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