They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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