so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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