margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
