remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
