All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
