Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
