I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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