he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i think my cat just said my name.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
