There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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