Have you finally orgasmed yet?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
