I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
did i walk over a car last night?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
