We're like a lot better than the average bears
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I lost the right to judge tonight
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
