And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
