ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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