I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
