After last night, I could never be a politician.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
