I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
