i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
