i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
